Cookie Monster: A quick note of encouragement

(My dad told me this story he heard from a church speaker.) There was a young lady who was unmarried. All of her friends were already married, some had children, but this woman was not willing to settle. After a while, her boyfriend proposed to her. However, she refused him. "I love you with all my heart, but you are not in a place with the Lord to be my spiritual leader" she told him tearfully. With tears in his own eyes, the man replied, "Give me one year. I will follow hard after the Lord and work to be the kind of leader you need. But, if after that time, if I'm still not in a place to lead you, we can part ways, and I will understand." After that, the man started going to a different church, lest he be tempted to fake spirituality in front of her, and began to strengthen his relationship with the Lord. In the end, the young lady accepted his proposal and married him at 28 years of age.

The few people I've told that story to have had similar reactions. They all teared up and with glowing, hopeful faces asked, "Is there someone out there like that for me?" Now, I am certainly no expert in the confusing realm of dating. I do not necessarily agree with the highly popular method of courtship, though I do find value in some of the methods, nor do I think you have "to kiss a lot of frogs". But, even a novice like me has observed a few things in my admittedly young quest to find "him whom my soul loves" (Song of Solomon 3:4).

"Faith in God includes faith in His timing." (-Neal Maxwell) I freely admit that whatever virtue I have does not include patience. I get antsy when meetings run a few minutes over and I huff at the mailbox when the letter I'm expecting hasn't arrived. One thing that has always tried my patience is the lack of a beau. Guess who never got a homecoming mum in high school? Me. Guess who never got flowers on Valentine's Day? Me. Guess who did not go to college and find boys lining up around the block only to be eclipsed by my shadow? That would be me. True, all these things are rather inconsequential and I don't lay awake nights fretting over them, but they do point toward something deeper: I'm not good/pretty/smart enough. Funnily enough, I constantly worry I'm not 'Christian' enough. Really, how can I expect to attract the kind of Christian man I want when I forget to do my quiet time or say a harsh word about someone? There's too much competition in that area and those girls seem waaaay more godly than me...but I digress. (I feel that merits a post of its own. More later!) At any rate, it seems a lot of my prayers consist of pleas for God to hurry His plan up.

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Song of Solomon 2:7 If I were to sit back and reiterate to you how many times the Lord has saved me, I would never be able to finish. In the midst of my desire I constantly forget that the Lord has a plan that is perfect, and that my plans tend to blow up spectacularly. Do I have any reason to doubt the Lord? Of course not, but I think most readers would agree they've had this problem. They feel like the Lord has forgotten them or is withholding something from them. They look at other people's happiness with envious eyes. Dear friends, that is fruitless. All that type of thinking does is mire you in a slough of despond and turn you away from the path of righteousness. Think about it this way: would you rather have a cookie now? What if I told you that, with a little patience, you could not only have a cookie, but a cookie bouquet, complete with balloons and a gallon of milk? Many of us tend to fall into this trap of instant gratification, myself included.

Be encouraged. You are not alone in your quest. Though you may feel like nothing is even going to happen, it will when the time is right. After all "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father." (Matthew 10:29). The Lord knows the desires of your heart, perhaps you should simply sit quietly...and wait. I think will take my own advice, because I like the idea of many cookies much more than just one.

Helper, Keeper, Protecter, Preserver, Provider
You are my all, all the time
without rest

Yeshua, Yeshua
Yeshua, Yeshua

unto You be glory, glory
unto You be honor
unto You be praises Jesus
forever and ever

all i wanna do is exalt You
all i wanna do is to lift You high
all i wanna do is to please You
all i wanna do is to make You smile

I don't borrow from its sunshine, for its skies may turn to grey.

The thought began to dawn on me that I was going to graduate soon and the little bubble I currently live in would burst. As a result, I've been budgeting for the past year, vacillating between being a complete miser and behaving like a hip hop mogul "up in da club". Over the past couple of months, I've become increasingly concerned about the number in my bank account. To make matters worse, we've all been watching America basically cover the moon in yogurt and elected officials squabble like a bunch of ill-tempered hens. (While those charlatan turkeys up on the Hill flap their gums, it becomes the citizen's responsibility to be extra careful to make up for the irresponsibility of the state. But I digress.)

I've gotten into the habit of checking my bank account online and I recently opened up a mint.com account which allows me to track my expenditures and project my budget over a more long term scale. This has all been wonderful, except for the fact that I've started to worry. Every time I go out with my friends I think of my pennies dwindling or wake up in a cold sweat, convinced that the government is going to come grubbing after the few refund checks I've gotten from A&M.  What is this madness? Well, I figured it out: I'm hearing money talking. With economic uncertainty swirling as I walk the tightrope of a college budget, I've begun to feel a little panicky.

"He has told you, O Man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

"Aw, how nice." I thought to myself, "That's a verse that would look good on a sign!" I wrapped up my quiet time and went on my merry way. This verse wasn't thought about again until yesterday when I got an email from Student Billing Services demanding requesting my fall tuition payment. I worked myself up into a tizzy and hunched over the computer crunching numbers and silently bidding adieu to a pair of square cat eye sunglasses I had decided to save up for and give myself for Christmas. After I sufficiently wore myself out, I sat back for a quiet minute and remembered that verse. I also thought about Habakkuk: "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no fruit, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will take joy in the God of my salvation." (3:17-18) Basically, "the righteous shall live by his faith." (2:4) Even if the economy implodes, even if I graduate and am thrust into a dismal job market, even if I have to do without: it doesn't matter because God will provide. (Note:  I recognize that my worries are vastly different from millions of people on Earth. I am blessed beyond belief, and I am immensely thankful that I don't have to worry whether or not I will be able to eat. I wouldn't tell someone who is mired in poverty "God will provide!" and bebop away. But that is a whole other blog post...)

How can I be sure of this? How can I be certain that God will make good on His promise? I can be sure because He already has. He showed me yesterday that He takes care of me. I can think of many times, great and small, where God has pulled me through. He's pointed me in different directions, and they've always been better than whatever I could cook up. He's told me to wait and given me things at a time when I was much better prepared for them. I must look back and remember yesterday's provision. When you remember yesterday's provision, you have hope, and this hope is never foolish. "Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off." (Proverbs 23:18) 

Like that old song says, "I don't worry about tomorrow, for I know who holds my hand." Even if the country I love careens towards fiscal and social destruction, I still have hope. I don't live by those worldly standards, I live by my faith. I know God has provided before. Should I have any reason to doubt He will provide again?

Wanna puppy

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lv2stmp/3309379655/lightbox/

One Nation, so blessed by God

In the meantime, I'll be patient.

"I'll be seeing you

In every lovely summer's day;

In every thing that's light and gay. I'll always think of you that way."

http://pinterest.com/?category=wedding_events

Lord, may I please have the above someday? 

Homosexuality is a sin. Period.

"Liberalism embraces the sin that Christ died for, calls on people to accept it, and throws away the need to repent of it. Nothing could be further from the truth of what Jesus taught and died for." -Todd McGeorge


Romans 6:12: "Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires."

There are various places in the Bible where homosexuality is condemned: Leviticus 18:22, 20:13; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10; Romans 1: 26-28.  Now, there is no doubt that these people are loved by God, and that Jesus died on the cross for them. However, the acceptance of homosexuality is foolish. It is wrong, and like the quote above states, "embraces the sin Christ died for".  I happened upon this video through the blog "Blue Collar Philosophy". I watched it and my heart sank. These people have been deceived into thinking that homosexuality is okay: they have given themselves over to their passions: "For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths." (2 Timothy 4: 3-4) 


This video is an example of just that, and when I watch it, I don't see the 'hope' they are claiming: I see sin. I see destruction and perversion of the Gospel. The other night, one of my fellow RAs said, "You don't support that [homosexuality] do you?" The politically correct and socially acceptable answer came to my mind first: to each his own. However, I knew that answer was the wrong one. I answered him truthfully and said "No, I believe it is wrong." It is high past the time to stand on the truth. True, speaking out against homosexuality will probably gain me many enemies, but how can I stay silent when sin is being paraded as a God-given personality trait? 
Homosexuality is a sin, just like the sins of pride and envy I struggle against everyday. Keep praying, for the enemy is a roaring lion, and a great deceiver, who sometimes shows up in aesthetically appealing media put forth by an Ivy-league school.


The good news in all of this? "Greater is He that is in Me than he that is in the world."  (1 John 4:4)

Jesus said, "Take heart! For I have overcome the world!" (John 16:33)  To those that say they can't change, I say no, you can't. But Christ can transform you, just like he did for Christopher Yuan. This video truly speaks of the hope and love of Christ. The Lord has plans for each one of our futures, and He loves us so much He sent His only Son to die for our sins, whether they are homosexuality, lust, or pride. He called us out of darkness, why should we continue to sit in it?

There is no place like home?

Earlier today I thought, "I want to go home"... meaning College Station.
I guess Littlefield is my hometown, but no longer my home. Then again, College Station is just a temporary home.

Bill Whittle's got it goin' on.

When choices are made

http://www.renewamerica.com/analysis/jon/110505


The link above goes to an article that pretty much sums up my feelings over the whole Osama Bin Laden thing. 


I'm also reminded of the end of the Book of Esther. 
"Then Queen Esther answered, "If I have found favor in your sight, O king, and if it please the king, let my life be granted me for my wish, and my people for my request. ⁴ For we have been sold, I and my people, to be destroyed, to be killed, and to be annihilated. If we had been sold merely as slaves, men and women, I would have been silent, for our affliction is not to be compared with the loss to the king." ⁵Then King Ahaserus said to Queen Esther, "Who is he, and where is he, who has dared to do this?" ⁶And Esther said, "A foe and enemy! This wicked Haman!" Then Haman was terrified before the king and the queen." (7:3-6)


This is not a celebration of death, but a celebration of relief from one of our persecutors. 
1 John 2:21-23 and 2 Thessalonians 1:5-8


"Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the LORD understand it completely." Proverbs 28:5

"Here."

Roll Call for the Absent


In many lands and climes this April Day 
Proud sons of Texas A&M unite. 
Our loyalty to country, school, we pray, 
And seal our pact with bond of common might. 
We live again those happy days of yore 
On campus, field, in classroom, dorm, at drill. 
Fond memory brings a sigh -- but nothing more; 
Now we are men and life's a greater thrill, 
Before we part and go upon our way, 
We pause to honor those we knew so well; 
The old familiar faces we miss so much today 
Left cherished recollections that time cannot dispel.
Softly call the Muster, 
Let comrade answer, "Here!"  
Their spirits hover 'round us 
As if to bring us cheer!
Mark them present in our hearts. 
We'll meet some other day 
There is no death, but life eterne 
For old friends such as they! 

-Dr. John Aston '06

You're still keeping me up until two in the morning...whatever am I going to do with you, B?

I still think about B a lot, but lately he has really been on my mind. I heard this song on the radio this morning and I couldn't help but think, what would I tell him if I could have 5 more minutes with him?

I would ask him to sing a little bit of Cher's song "Believe". 

I would ask him to call my phone so I could hear his ringtone: "Hot n Cold".

I would let him tickle me.

I would tell him that I forgave him the minute he broke my heart, and tell him that I know now why it had to be done. 

I would tell him how special he made me feel.

I would tell him that I loved his family and all his friends.

I would tell him that I was so thankful that God orchestrated our meeting.

I would ask him to call me Natasha, and I would rub his head one last time (and he would probably go "Kitty!!!" like Boo from Monster's Inc.).

I would tell him that I loved him, and that I never stopped, and that he was just plain ridiculous if he thought he could convince me to do otherwise. 

After all this, I would hug him, and hold onto his hand until he walked out of the door of Briggs where we always met. Then, right before our hands broke, I would say, "I'll see you soon, dollink. I love you."

That is what I would do if I had 5 more minutes.

Now I remain in a world apart, but my heart remains in captivity.

Go and stand on the mountain, for the Lord is about to pass by!

(I am writing this at 3:00 in the morning. This is due to the three Dr Pepper's I had at the IHOP.)

For a while, I've been on edge. I've felt like I wanted to jump out of my skin and I wasn't sure why. An icky paranoia settled heavily around me, and I didn't know what to do. I began to despair some, because I thought (key word: I) that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. A couple of weeks ago, I felt a quiet tug telling me, "Kaleigh, it's alright. I'm holding you. Trust Me. I orchestrated all this for a Good Purpose...now step outside of the cave." Like Elijah in his cave, I was at first reluctant. I wrapped my cloak around my head and stood at the mouth of the cave, unsure: I looked at the picture sitting on my desk, taken during one of the most enchanting times of my life. I saw my face next to his and was afraid.  "Then a voice said to him, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'...Then the Lord said to him, 'Go...'" (1 Kings 19:13,15) I decided to Go. The only problem was, I knew I was supposed to Go, but I didn't want to take the road back the way I had come. "Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus." (verse 15) You see, in my impatience I thought I could hurry the Lord up. So, I starting chasing after things not ordained for me. We all know what this leads to, if you are unaware, allow me give you a hint: heartache, nothin' but heartache. I said, "Okay: I need affirmation. I want to feel special. I want to sparkle like I did with B, how 'bout it Lord?" Instead of heeding His call to go back the way I came, back to the beginning where He would restore me and walk with me, I decided to keep going down the road that had not yet been cleared for me. Naturally, I became stuck in the vines: where uncertainty sapped my confidence, jealousy reared its ugly head, and worry swept over my soul. I began to behave in a way I didn't like: little things sparked into huge fires, my tongue became sharp and unkind. I could see all of this occurring and I was convicted. Sadly, I am a foolish little sheep and tried to ignore Him. I kept going deeper. 

Thankfully, the Lord uses a staff in addition to a rod. I went with some dear friends to IHOP, a place I vowed I would never set foot into again (because of B), and I listened to a young man tell me words I needed to hear: that I am worth something and that I can't force the Lord's hand on anything. I listened to two young women tell me that I am loved and B and I's time had a very special and Good Purpose. Slightly ashamed of myself, but mostly encouraged, I let the Lord lower His staff down and set me back at the mouth of the cave. This time, I'm going to go back the way I came. There will be times when those deprecating thoughts will arise and times when my impatience will make me want to turn and try and hack down the vines myself. However, I know that if I allow the Lord to revive me, unimaginable works will come about, works so wondrous I will have no choice but to fall to my knees in awe of Him.  

My dear friends, it is no use to try and make the Lord hip to your ideas: He is much too big and His plans are much more incredible that ones we would conjure. The Lord was not in the wind, nor in the earthquake, nor the fire. He was in the gentle whisper. I am thankful that the Lord is merciful enough to speak in a gentle whisper, for if He showed accorded justice, He would speak in ways much more terrible. Despite my presumptuous ways, He speaks words of love. 

I've come out of the cave and I will go to the Desert, where He will restore me and where I will proclaim His good news to the brokenhearted. (Isaiah 61) He will revive, each and every one of us, if we step outside our caves and Go.

All glory and praise to the God of all grace, Who hast brought us, and sought us, and guided our ways. Hallelujah! Thine the glory. Hallelujah! Amen. Hallelujah! Thine the glory: revive us again.

To: B Love, N

when pain turns to years
it goes away
a memory far gone
so bitter sweet
and sweet it is to taste recover
the loss of my friend

and why haunts this hunger
to love him
my ship set its sail
a long time ago
and my mind has said its farewell
and my lips have declared "it's time"
but my heart cannot say its goodbye

now it's only in my dreams
that i've been there
his eyes so in love
his kiss so real
now if only i could stay
and dream a while
if a dream lasts a lifetime

my ship's set its sail
but still at shore
my heart cannot say its goodbye

askekjljgvqj

Patience is not my strong suit. Lately, it's been giving me more fits than usual. I want. to. make. something. HAPPEN. However, I know that if I try to force something, it will disintegrate into disaster, most likely an embarrassing disaster. Therefore, I will wait, but like this: D:<  (Translation: BAH.) 

HURRY UP ALREADY!!!

I remembered why I like Christian hardcore.

Deliverer, You brought us out of the miry clay 

You set our feet upon a rock and You made us say 

Holy is the Lord 

We would declare Your thoughts about us one by one 

It'd be too many to count so we simply come 

And sing of Your great love 

So we sing..We lift our hands and sing! 

You are worthy of affection 

You're the radiance of all of His glory 

Let adoration fill this place 

You hold everything together 

By the word of your immovable power 

We sing a song of praise! 

We are the broken down and we are the beaten up 

But what could stop us from a song of unending love? 

Holy is the Lord 

You are a treasure, the hope, the bright and morning star 

You are the lover of our soul and You've won our hearts 

We sing of Your great love 

So we sing...

Holy, are You Lord

"Day is done, gone the sun


From the lakes, from the hills, from the skies


All is well, safely rest;



God is nigh."

It's your eyes that make me smile, oh yeah, oh yeah.

"You are the sun,
You are the only one,
You are so cool,
You are so rock and roll."


Today felt like spring. It was one of those days where being inside a structure felt stale, so I went outside. I felt the sun on my face and the sweat roll down my back as I ran. I thought about many different things, but I mostly thought about Taylor. I think of him quite often; I have ever since I met him. I thought about how much of a difference one year makes. I thought about how much one person could impact another. I thought about love. I thought about God and His plan. One day, I will be able to articulate all this much better. For right now, I will continue to think about someone I loved very much, and run under the sunshine with a Gracious Lord who holds me in His hand.


"We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to
interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken." 

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Take me to the river and let me see again.

I tried to lay down and go to sleep, but I could hear. More specifically, I could hear the RVs out on the Quad practicing. A thousand images rushed to my head, and I knew sleep was a long way off.
I've really wanted to write about everything, this chapter in the Story, but I can't gather my thoughts long enough to sort them out. I have been given many things to treasure and many things that are challenges. I'm finding that there are an abundance of things to be (or not be) resolved. Perhaps resolved is a poor word choice; rather, there are an abundance of things I need to lay before God.
I was reading Philippians and the latter part of 2:12 caught my eye: "...continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling." Refinement is constant. As with any relationship, we must constantly examine ourselves. In a relationship with Christ, we must consistently check our own desires and thoughts and submit them to the authority of Christ. We must humbly come to God and allow Him to do verse 13: "For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose." 
Despite the great sadness and longing that has come about, there is a Good Purpose. The Story has an eventual ending, and it is one that puts all happy endings to shame. In the meantime, we must work. We must deny ourselves and come to Him in humility. I also believe it is okay to struggle; after all, you must work out your salvation. 
In spite of this weary world, I urge you to take heart, fellow traveler, for there is a Purpose, and it is Good.

"He who is the Portion of Jacob is not like these, for He is the Maker of all things, including Israel, the tribe of His inheritance-the Lord Almighty is His name." Jeremiah 10:16

Perfect submission, all is at rest; 
I in my Savior am happy and blest, 
watching and waiting, looking above, 
filled with his goodness, lost in his love. 

Even in the midst of tragedy, we know that God is Sovereign. The Lord of 

Hosts knows our pain, for He sent His only Son to die. I rejoice in the fact that even when the pain seems to devour, it won't. When the darkness seems to 

encompass all, it doesn't. For there is a Savoir who has overcome death: 

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" 1 Corinthians 15:55

Even though we will see many trials on this Earth, and God spares no detail in our purification, we can rest in the fact that the grave is overcome and one day we, the Bride of Christ, will come together in Eternity and rejoice in His name forever. Amen.

"Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord."

"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life."
-Theodore Roosevelt


I am thoroughly disturbed: "For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths." 
2 Timothy 4:3-4 
Oh, gentle reader. I believe that time is upon us. It seems to me finding an individual of integrity is akin to finding a needle in a very large haystack. 


For I know of churches where greed and lack of self-control are ripping the body in two. 


I watch the news, where the primary goal is not to broadcast informative reports, but rather push, nay, shove an agenda onto the viewer. 


I look to our leaders in government, and all I see are men and women lining their pockets with dollar bills. 


I look at my fellow citizens, and I see people demanding their 'entitlement'. 


I watch people treating others without the slightest decency.


And, with horror, I often catch myself falling into those same traps.


The world is rife with corruption, dear friends. At times, I despair. I think, "Why should I even try?"  I have long felt a quiet tug on my heart to plant myself inside a modern day Vanity with its accompanying Fair (namely the 'fair' Washington DC and London). But too often, I think of my call and dismiss it. Who am I kidding? Did I even hear right? 
I know that you, kind reader, have also trudged through the Slough of Despond ("The Pilgrim's Progress"). The roar of spiritual battle seems too deafening and your sins too heavy. I urge you (and my own soul) to remember this: 

"Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed. The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light." (Romans 13:11-12)

Now, ladies and gentlemen, is the time to take up arms. This despair we see should shake us to our core and remind us of the urgency of Spiritual Warfare. Why should we try, dear reader? We should try because that is what we are called to do. If we do not try, we are forever in that Slough of Despond, watching the world warp faster and faster. "Put on the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil." Ephesians 6:11

Put on the armor and pick up the "sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God" (Eph. 6:17) and I will do the same, right this instant. 

For the darker the night, the brighter Christ will shine, and we must be willing to follow the call into the darkness. 

"He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat; He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment-seat:

Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! be jubilant, my feet!

Our God is marching on.

Glory, glory, hallelujah!

Glory, glory, hallelujah!

Glory, glory, hallelujah!

Our God is marching on."